My final post on my Common Ground blog... *wipes away a tear*
An extract of Martha's final lines in 13 that I feel really relate to me:
"I want a small life. I want to be a teacher."
Friday, 14 February 2014
Evaluation
Today was the day of our first show, and the opening show of the whole commonground season.
We were in the new theatre all day and we started today by running the box moves in each scene from 9-10.30am. And although this part of the day was very stressful I feel that we did not allow the box stress be carried forward within the dress runs that were to follow. We then proceeded to do the first dress run of our show from 11-1pm. To me, the first run felt very wooden and as if we were just marking through the play. Other than our two day tech run, this was the first time we had actually ran through the whole play from beginning to end in the theatre. I also think that the fact that the whole cast knew we would be doing 2 dress runs before the 7pm performance meant we were all attempting to conserve our energy and physical stamina for the rest of the day. This hesitancy in the first run was also I believe due to some of the cast members, myself including, freaking out about doing the show. I believe this is why the first run felt so messy and blocked and marked through. Personally I feel like I put about 85% effort into the first dress run of our show this morning, because I knew I would need to sustain my energy throughout the whole day. Also I am aware that I was much quieter in the first run than the second or the actual show, which was intentional because I still felt a bit sick and nasal from the flu I had over the weekend and I really didn't want to strain my voice at all before the show.
The second dress run was much more of a success to me. Despite Amaya breaking her hand mid show and carrying on with the second half before rushing off to A&E, the eerie atmosphere of darkness and confusion within the show was much more palpable and tangible to me in the second dress. As an ensemble we picked up the pace, and the energy, and most certainly the pressure. It certainly felt a lot better than the first run through, but I cannot lie and say it was perfect and audience ready. There were a few lulls in pace or energy in places here or there in the second run but on the whole the ensemble definitely up'd the ante and the stakes of our play. Also we had a photographer taking over 800 pictures during our second run of the show, which was not only distracting but very off putting at times.
The actual performance of our show went so unbelievably well its hard to describe and actually put into words. The tense atmosphere was there from the very second we were on stage and the swinging light came up from the dream sequence. Having being given the note that some cast members were simply moving through the dream sequence movements in the earlier run through, I personally pushed myself to live through the dream, and to experience it in a new a different way than I had done before. Before our warm up I re-read how the dream is written in the script: "Monsters. Darkness. Something moving? An explosion." and by using these words as a mantra during the dream for the very first time since beginning this project I was personally seeing the monsters and the darkness and something moving and the explosion. I felt as if I put 110% of my effort and energy into that first dream sequence which I found glaringly obvious when I went to my next entrance and could hardly catch my breathe before I went on stage to do the Downing street scene. This is just one example of how the final performance today felt so new and different to any time we have ever performed it before, but there were many moments within the show that were changed and altered slightly and were new and exciting moments on stage because of the spontaneousness and freshness of them. I believe this was due to the fact that during our entire rehearsal process Will has driven it into us how important it is to live in the moment and to listen and respond to others on stage. If someones offers you something thats different to every time you have rehearsed it, you are obviously going to respond and react to this offer in a different way.
ALSO THE AUDIENCE WERE LAPPING IT ALL UP AND LAUGHING A LOT MORE THAN WAS EXPECTED :D
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SECOND PERFORMANCE EVALUATION:
So today was the day of our second show. Overall I don't think it went nearly as well as last weeks first show. The main reason for this I believe was that we hadn't had a run through before the show, and therefore the actual show felt like a rehearsal to us as actors. At several points in the play it felt remembered, like we were just marking through the words and movement and significant moments on stage that had happened last week instead of living through the moments and being alive on stage. To me going through the motions felt like when you've had a dream that you enjoyed so much and was so vivid and amazing that you try to replicate the same dream the next night, but obviously can get it perfectly the same - A bit like deja vu - where it feels the same but you are aware that something has changed from the last time. Also a lot of ensemble members MYSELF INCLUDED were not speaking into one another at various different points in the show. And I didn't use my journey through the play paper as much today and TOTALLY FORGOT TO DO MY BOX MOVE! Overall there were many different contributing factors to why we let the pressure out of our pressure cooker but I believe in the second half we picked up the energy and the atmosphere in the theatre, so instead of dwelling on what went wrong I shall evaluate what went well.
THE PROTEST
I think the protest went SO much better today because not only did we have a younger more lively audience, but also we knew what we were doing and what to expect after doing it will an audience last week. Personally I felt a lot more confident in the protest. I was more willing to just go up to people and talk to them about why they were there, and what their views on Iran were. I believe that after having James Kaffenberger get REALLY political REALLY quickly and start discussing conspiracy theories and iranian oil deals with me prepared me more for today's protest. If I could manage to get James to think that I was more politically aware of todays society than he is, and convince him that I understand most of what he is saying, then I can do literally ANYTHING. Talking to James was challenging for me, although I didn't let him know that, and through talking to him and being challenged about my belief in John gave me the extra push I needed to up my performance and my protest game. Also I enjoyed talking to an audience member who didn't buy into John's bullshit speeches, who like me (AS RACHEL NOT MARTHA) thinks that John talks A LOT but he never really SAYS much of value. DO THANK YOU JAMES :D Also it must be said that our audience consisted of a majority of performing arts students today, who were much more willing to participate in the protest instead of just allowing it to happen around you.
TO DO LIST: NEXT WEEK IS THE LAST EVER SHOW OF 13 AND WE MUST KEEP THE PRESSURE UP AND HIT THE MARK AND LIVE THROUGH THE PLAY HONESTLY.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FINAL PERFORMANCE:
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! OUR LAST SHOW WENT REALLY WELL!!!!!!! It's sad to think it's all over now but I am glad we went out on a high note. I think our final show was just a good, if not better than our first show. It felt different to both the other shows and I think the entire cast had a new kind of energy that came from us knowing it would be the last show and the last time we would ever get to perform with the same group of people, and that energy was tangible in our performance, and I believe it was this energy that helped us keep the pressure up and find new things and new dimensions within our characters.
The ENERGY WAS ELECTRIC!!!
(And palpable in the theatre)
All along Will has told us that 13 is a play about doubting your beliefs and searching for the answers, which I think we found tonight.
We also gave Will his card and plantain chips just before the show tonight. He loved it! And he also enjoyed the 13 most memorable quotes from Will's directing process. My personal favourites:
"You are all just farts on the landscape of time"
"Then acts 4 and 5 will be like shitting in someones mouth"
"This scene is weak. Like most women"
"Don't be shit!"
Something I think is worth mentioning in a final evaluative comment is my "journey through the play." As advised by Will I created a document that listed every time I went on stage, my reason for being on stage for each scene, my objectives for each scene, ALL my cue lines to go on stage, and costume changes that I had, my entrances and exits, and any props I use. Once I had a finished version of this I then used it in every rehearsal as a prompt card if you will. In the tech runs and the first show I used my journey through the play religiously, and literally treated it like a bible. I think in the first show I was so nervous that I needed to see in black and white exactly what I was doing, saying and wearing in the next scene, just in case. The second show however, I got arrogant and used it a lot less than I had in the first show, which was a very stupid Idea as I went off at the wrong exit after the second dream sequence and therefore didn't have time to run to C before Gus walked on stage which was my cue for MY ONE AND ONLY BOX MOVE IN THE PLAY!!! I felt like such an Idiot that I made sure in the third and final performance I once again used the little piece of paper religiously, and gave it a quick glance every time I went off stage. Although I do know my journey through the play it was a lot easier for me to be more efficient on and around the stage (and in rehearsals) by using my "journey through the play."
I did find that through repetitively using my journey through the play document in rehearsals, the more I used it the less it was needed. I believe that this was for same part due to me developing a "muscle memory" of my journey through the play, but also on some part because I have a photographic memory. When learning lines this can both be very helpful and very irritating. For example it is easier for me in the "learn your lines" stage of the process because I will take mental pictures of the text and then when I recall on this images I can see the shapes and lengths of the words and passages of text laid out on the page but not the words. Its like I can remember a blurry version of the page of text in my mind but this is enough for me, because through analysing the length of the line and the length of each word within the line my brain can remember the whole line itself. But that bad thing about this is whenever there are cuts to the script that impact on my lines I get thrown off very easily and had to re-learn the edited lines from scratch. This happened with one of my scenes in 13 and although at first I was put off by the lines changes, I powered on through and re-learnt the lines the way my director wanted me to learn them.
I now intend to make this type of document or list for every theatrical project I work on because I found it was the most helpful thing in the world in every situation I used it in, whether that was rehearsals, a technical run or the actual performances.
We were in the new theatre all day and we started today by running the box moves in each scene from 9-10.30am. And although this part of the day was very stressful I feel that we did not allow the box stress be carried forward within the dress runs that were to follow. We then proceeded to do the first dress run of our show from 11-1pm. To me, the first run felt very wooden and as if we were just marking through the play. Other than our two day tech run, this was the first time we had actually ran through the whole play from beginning to end in the theatre. I also think that the fact that the whole cast knew we would be doing 2 dress runs before the 7pm performance meant we were all attempting to conserve our energy and physical stamina for the rest of the day. This hesitancy in the first run was also I believe due to some of the cast members, myself including, freaking out about doing the show. I believe this is why the first run felt so messy and blocked and marked through. Personally I feel like I put about 85% effort into the first dress run of our show this morning, because I knew I would need to sustain my energy throughout the whole day. Also I am aware that I was much quieter in the first run than the second or the actual show, which was intentional because I still felt a bit sick and nasal from the flu I had over the weekend and I really didn't want to strain my voice at all before the show.
The second dress run was much more of a success to me. Despite Amaya breaking her hand mid show and carrying on with the second half before rushing off to A&E, the eerie atmosphere of darkness and confusion within the show was much more palpable and tangible to me in the second dress. As an ensemble we picked up the pace, and the energy, and most certainly the pressure. It certainly felt a lot better than the first run through, but I cannot lie and say it was perfect and audience ready. There were a few lulls in pace or energy in places here or there in the second run but on the whole the ensemble definitely up'd the ante and the stakes of our play. Also we had a photographer taking over 800 pictures during our second run of the show, which was not only distracting but very off putting at times.
The actual performance of our show went so unbelievably well its hard to describe and actually put into words. The tense atmosphere was there from the very second we were on stage and the swinging light came up from the dream sequence. Having being given the note that some cast members were simply moving through the dream sequence movements in the earlier run through, I personally pushed myself to live through the dream, and to experience it in a new a different way than I had done before. Before our warm up I re-read how the dream is written in the script: "Monsters. Darkness. Something moving? An explosion." and by using these words as a mantra during the dream for the very first time since beginning this project I was personally seeing the monsters and the darkness and something moving and the explosion. I felt as if I put 110% of my effort and energy into that first dream sequence which I found glaringly obvious when I went to my next entrance and could hardly catch my breathe before I went on stage to do the Downing street scene. This is just one example of how the final performance today felt so new and different to any time we have ever performed it before, but there were many moments within the show that were changed and altered slightly and were new and exciting moments on stage because of the spontaneousness and freshness of them. I believe this was due to the fact that during our entire rehearsal process Will has driven it into us how important it is to live in the moment and to listen and respond to others on stage. If someones offers you something thats different to every time you have rehearsed it, you are obviously going to respond and react to this offer in a different way.
ALSO THE AUDIENCE WERE LAPPING IT ALL UP AND LAUGHING A LOT MORE THAN WAS EXPECTED :D
MY PANCAKE ANALOGY:
To me each run of the show today felt like making pancakes. The first one is just about edible but it does not look appetizing in any way shape or form. The second one was much better, but there is still something missing to make it perfect. The third pancake is always the best. It is the perfect thickness, light and fluffy, cooked all the way through, no burnt bits, a perfect circular miracle! And then you pour on the honey and lemon and sprinkles and chocolate sauce and chopped nuts and bananas!
THE FIRST DRESS RUN: EDIBLE BUT A COMPLETE MESS
THE SCEOND DRESS RUN: MUCH BETTER, STARTING TO GET THE HANG OF IT!
THE THIRD RUN - THE ACTUAL SHOW: AMAZING! PERFECT, WITH NUTELLA AND CHOPPED BANANAS AND WHIPPED CREAM!
Notes on the first show:
- The ensemble found freedom in the space, and freedom in the lines
- it was different to every other performance - different every night
- we need to find new things out about ourselves and the play itself each night we perform
- find more layers and depth to the characters
- successfully found a performance in a rehearsal room
- successfully transferred that performance to a new space
- successfully rehearsed in an efficient manner during a technical rehearsal
- successfully found freedom within the show - to live within the show, to feel within the show, to respond within the show
- We found a unification of energy within the ensemble
- Found a unification with all the technical elements of theatre: lights, sound, AV, props, new space, the tech team, and most importantly the audience.
- We were acting/listening/connected/honest
- DOESN'T NEED TO BE 'RIGHT' JUST NEEDS TO BE HONEST!!!
- DON'T be nervous about the box
- PASSING THE ENERGY ON FROM SCENE TO SCENE
- Too much bread + not enough butter - Too much butter spread over not enough bread!
- some people were too far back in the first dream sequence - FIND YOUR LIGHT
- Use the floor more in the dream sequence
- Energy needs to be picked up in the first park scene
- stay invested - push the pressure and the energy constantly - sustainable energy
- Build up the movement in the last scene - personalized and connected
Comments about the show:
- Comments from Stuart and Tim (who both saw the national version of 13 in 2011) that our version of the play was BETTER/CLEARER than the one at the national.
- Several people said to me they would like to see it again so they can understand it even more and understand each depth and layer to the play.
- The audience participation protest scene - Some people loved it (younger audience members mainly) Some people didn't engaged with it at all, Some people were understandable scared and bewildered by it, but most people I spoke to about it enjoyed the realness of the protest and enjoyed that it involved the audience, whilst giving each member of the audience their own different individual experience of the protest.
- EVERYONE LIKED THE BOX :D
- "13 wasn't an entertaining play. But I mean that in a good way, it's like it's not meant to entertain you, its meant to make you think." - FAVOURITE COMMENT OF THE NIGHT
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SECOND PERFORMANCE EVALUATION:
So today was the day of our second show. Overall I don't think it went nearly as well as last weeks first show. The main reason for this I believe was that we hadn't had a run through before the show, and therefore the actual show felt like a rehearsal to us as actors. At several points in the play it felt remembered, like we were just marking through the words and movement and significant moments on stage that had happened last week instead of living through the moments and being alive on stage. To me going through the motions felt like when you've had a dream that you enjoyed so much and was so vivid and amazing that you try to replicate the same dream the next night, but obviously can get it perfectly the same - A bit like deja vu - where it feels the same but you are aware that something has changed from the last time. Also a lot of ensemble members MYSELF INCLUDED were not speaking into one another at various different points in the show. And I didn't use my journey through the play paper as much today and TOTALLY FORGOT TO DO MY BOX MOVE! Overall there were many different contributing factors to why we let the pressure out of our pressure cooker but I believe in the second half we picked up the energy and the atmosphere in the theatre, so instead of dwelling on what went wrong I shall evaluate what went well.
THE PROTEST
I think the protest went SO much better today because not only did we have a younger more lively audience, but also we knew what we were doing and what to expect after doing it will an audience last week. Personally I felt a lot more confident in the protest. I was more willing to just go up to people and talk to them about why they were there, and what their views on Iran were. I believe that after having James Kaffenberger get REALLY political REALLY quickly and start discussing conspiracy theories and iranian oil deals with me prepared me more for today's protest. If I could manage to get James to think that I was more politically aware of todays society than he is, and convince him that I understand most of what he is saying, then I can do literally ANYTHING. Talking to James was challenging for me, although I didn't let him know that, and through talking to him and being challenged about my belief in John gave me the extra push I needed to up my performance and my protest game. Also I enjoyed talking to an audience member who didn't buy into John's bullshit speeches, who like me (AS RACHEL NOT MARTHA) thinks that John talks A LOT but he never really SAYS much of value. DO THANK YOU JAMES :D Also it must be said that our audience consisted of a majority of performing arts students today, who were much more willing to participate in the protest instead of just allowing it to happen around you.
TO DO LIST: NEXT WEEK IS THE LAST EVER SHOW OF 13 AND WE MUST KEEP THE PRESSURE UP AND HIT THE MARK AND LIVE THROUGH THE PLAY HONESTLY.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FINAL PERFORMANCE:
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! OUR LAST SHOW WENT REALLY WELL!!!!!!! It's sad to think it's all over now but I am glad we went out on a high note. I think our final show was just a good, if not better than our first show. It felt different to both the other shows and I think the entire cast had a new kind of energy that came from us knowing it would be the last show and the last time we would ever get to perform with the same group of people, and that energy was tangible in our performance, and I believe it was this energy that helped us keep the pressure up and find new things and new dimensions within our characters.
The ENERGY WAS ELECTRIC!!!
(And palpable in the theatre)
All along Will has told us that 13 is a play about doubting your beliefs and searching for the answers, which I think we found tonight.
We also gave Will his card and plantain chips just before the show tonight. He loved it! And he also enjoyed the 13 most memorable quotes from Will's directing process. My personal favourites:
"You are all just farts on the landscape of time"
"Then acts 4 and 5 will be like shitting in someones mouth"
"This scene is weak. Like most women"
"Don't be shit!"
Something I think is worth mentioning in a final evaluative comment is my "journey through the play." As advised by Will I created a document that listed every time I went on stage, my reason for being on stage for each scene, my objectives for each scene, ALL my cue lines to go on stage, and costume changes that I had, my entrances and exits, and any props I use. Once I had a finished version of this I then used it in every rehearsal as a prompt card if you will. In the tech runs and the first show I used my journey through the play religiously, and literally treated it like a bible. I think in the first show I was so nervous that I needed to see in black and white exactly what I was doing, saying and wearing in the next scene, just in case. The second show however, I got arrogant and used it a lot less than I had in the first show, which was a very stupid Idea as I went off at the wrong exit after the second dream sequence and therefore didn't have time to run to C before Gus walked on stage which was my cue for MY ONE AND ONLY BOX MOVE IN THE PLAY!!! I felt like such an Idiot that I made sure in the third and final performance I once again used the little piece of paper religiously, and gave it a quick glance every time I went off stage. Although I do know my journey through the play it was a lot easier for me to be more efficient on and around the stage (and in rehearsals) by using my "journey through the play."
I did find that through repetitively using my journey through the play document in rehearsals, the more I used it the less it was needed. I believe that this was for same part due to me developing a "muscle memory" of my journey through the play, but also on some part because I have a photographic memory. When learning lines this can both be very helpful and very irritating. For example it is easier for me in the "learn your lines" stage of the process because I will take mental pictures of the text and then when I recall on this images I can see the shapes and lengths of the words and passages of text laid out on the page but not the words. Its like I can remember a blurry version of the page of text in my mind but this is enough for me, because through analysing the length of the line and the length of each word within the line my brain can remember the whole line itself. But that bad thing about this is whenever there are cuts to the script that impact on my lines I get thrown off very easily and had to re-learn the edited lines from scratch. This happened with one of my scenes in 13 and although at first I was put off by the lines changes, I powered on through and re-learnt the lines the way my director wanted me to learn them.
I now intend to make this type of document or list for every theatrical project I work on because I found it was the most helpful thing in the world in every situation I used it in, whether that was rehearsals, a technical run or the actual performances.
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Dream diary
At the beginning of the whole Common Ground project , as soon as I knew that I had been cast in 13 I began keeping a dream diary. I did this because when Will held a workshop will us doing different exercises related to each of the three common ground shows, I really struggled with the exercise inspired by 13. In the workshop we had to split up into groups and tell each other about the worst nightmare we had ever had, and then we would describe parts of our own dream to the rest of the class (who were huddled in a circle in the middle of the room with the lights off) but because each member of each group had a different dream when you would describe part of your dream someone else would jump in and start describing their dream. This was so we could create a collaborative story and narrative through our nightmare. At the time the exercise scared the shit out of me and made me very on edge. I remember that the 13 exercise was the last one we did and then we had break, and after leaving the rehearsal space I felt very ill at ease, like when someone strokes a cat in the wrong direction. Looking back on this experience after working on the play and it themes intensely for 3 months, I see now that I was too narrow minded and closed off to properly engage with the exercise. I feel that through the process I have become more open and emotionally available, whilst also becoming more willing to participate and engage in weird wacky acting exercises. THANKS WILL!
Also at the time all I knew about the play 13 was that it had something to do with dreams and nightmares. So to try and keep ahead of the game after not doing so well in the workshop I began writing down anything and everything that I could remember about my dreams.
Here is everything I wrote down about my dreams over the last 3 months:
Also at the time all I knew about the play 13 was that it had something to do with dreams and nightmares. So to try and keep ahead of the game after not doing so well in the workshop I began writing down anything and everything that I could remember about my dreams.
Here is everything I wrote down about my dreams over the last 3 months:
Dream diary - being back at sedlescombe road but there are like 8 beds in the big bedroom and we have loads of people staying over
- Chrissie house with pat fridge raiding at Silly o'clock trouble
- On the train with mummy but she sits near the bitches and give me a tiny pink net book that I hate but then I feel bad and guilty for hating it and telling her I hate it
- Cinema coliseum Zelda type arena
- Layers and Lots of stairs Endless stairs
- Baby foster care little girl parents given to me so cute babysitting small talking words Crying 4 months
- me at Cadets defending the cliche Brit school
- KFC Collette
- Stealing from Patricks lodger who's coming back today
- Dying my hair blonde and it goes badly wrong
- having two guinny pigs with the cat and the cage got turned on its side by the wardrobe then they ran around the whole house
- Killed two people ran around west brompton guns popping off sirens in the distance running and hiding constantly
- fell over into a pond
- walls tightening
- massive thunder storm rain wind gusts of hail stones thunder 4
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